When my husband and I were first going out, he was like a dog with a bone. No pun intended. We had sex constantly. It was fun, because we were still new to each other and were still exploring each other’s bodies. But after the first six months, the curiosity and excited died away on his part. I felt as though he wasn’t interested in my body anymore. I would go out of my way to pleasure him, but he would hardly ever go out of his way for me. In time, sex became rote. There was virtually no foreplay, which made it hard for me because I felt like I wasn’t primed for it. I was a piece of meat, not something to be romanced. I was an object and not a subject. I often felt as though he was rushing through sex, and wasn’t taking the time to listen to my body. Sex for him can last about five minutes to be effective, but if it lasts more than ten to fifteen minutes he gives up because chances are he’s not going to come, and whether I could or not isn’t even in question. We don’t have equal opportunity sex anymore. When he touches me, he is lackluster and lazy, to the point where I almost want to yell at him, “You’re not even TRYING!” When I would try to do something sexy or special, the situation would ultimately result in the same kind of sex, so I stopped making as much of an effort as well, discouraged by the lack of reciprocity. I tried talking to him about it, but I felt like all I was doing was turning him off to sex with me, and making him insecure by insulting his virility, which of course I don’t mean to. I want to confront these issues so they don’t destroy my marriage, while at the same time I’m afraid that in doing so I may exacerbate the problem. My husband and I do love each other very much, and are still very much attracted to each other, but those things don’t always account for sexual chemistry, which is very hard to cultivate is one body is trying to commune with another, but the other isn’t listening.
How Best To Help an Individual with ADHD Improve Their Sexual Connection
Having ADHD can really strain a relationship especially if it is not diagnosed. The ADHD & Sex combination can be a very tricky affair to both parties in a relationship. When an individual has ADHD, they get easily distracted and find a hard time concentrating. For you to achieve sexual satisfaction, both partners must be willing to put work into it. This includes being in constant communication. Due to their inability to concentrate, people with ADHD are prone to problematic sexual behaviours such as overindulgence in pornography and addiction to thrilling, but not necessarily safe, sexual practices.
When a couple finds itself in such a situation, resentment and breakups are often unavoidable. Depending on how far the situation is out of hand, I would recommend couples therapy. This is very helpful as one can get to the root cause of the discord. Definitely the ADHD issue will have to be addressed preferably using medical solutions. Then the couple would slowly work towards building their intimacy together and rediscovering their interests in each other. I would also suggest that the couple patiently learns how to accept each other and find a way to cope with the higher sex drive of either party. They should also discuss what is acceptable and comfortable for both parties to engage in and establish a mutual understanding.
As we have seen, people with ADHD tend to have problems concentrating in any particular undertaking for a long time due to their impulsive nature that also affects their decision making abilities. More often than not, they tend not to reach orgasm during sex or fail to satisfy their partner. Another not so positive aspect is their tendency to engage in unplanned sex which exposes them to the risk of sexually transmitted diseases. This often happens when the party with ADHD loves drinking. It can result in making poor choices about sexual partners leading to unprotected sex.
It requires a lot of patience and understanding to be in a relationship with someone with ADHD. However, communicating openly about feelings and concerns can result in better handling of matters in the bedroom and fulfilling sexual desires.
When looking for a therapist to walk you through the rough patch trying to understand a partner with ADHD, it is important to first solve the ADHD problem before tackling sex issues. this will enable you to understand where your partner is coming from with their struggles and then from there you can both work towards having a wonderful sex life as a couple.