How to Spot Aspergers in Men

Note: I used the word Aspergers in the title and throughout the article, because some people still search for this term, but technically, the term Aspergers is no longer used. The term Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), or just Autism, has replaced Aspergers as the diagnostic term.

Aspergers is a condition that affects the way an individual interacts and communicates with others. While it is often diagnosed in children, many adults may also have Aspergers without even realizing it. It is estimated that about 1 in 100 people have some form of ASD. If you suspect that your husband may have Aspergers, it’s essential to understand the signs and symptoms so that you can provide the support and understanding he may need. Recognizing Aspergers in adults can be challenging because they often develop coping strategies that mask their difficulties, making it harder to identify the condition without a closer look.

What is Aspergers?

Aspergers is a type of Autism Spectrum Disorder that affects a person’s social interaction, communication, and behavior. It is considered a high-functioning form of autism, as individuals with Aspergers typically have normal to above-average intelligence and do not experience delays in language development. However, they may struggle with social cues, have difficulty understanding others’ emotions, and have repetitive behaviors or intense interests.

People with Aspergers often excel in fields that require attention to detail and a high level of expertise, making significant contributions to their areas of interest. Despite their intellectual capabilities, they may face significant challenges in social situations, which can lead to anxiety and frustration. It’s important to note that Aspergers is a lifelong condition, and while its manifestations can change over time, it does not simply go away with age.

Signs and Symptoms of Aspergers in Men

Social Interactions

One of the key symptoms of Aspergers is difficulty with social interactions. Men with Aspergers may have trouble with non-verbal cues, such as body language and facial expressions, making it difficult for them to understand others’ emotions and intentions. They may also struggle with making and maintaining friendships, as they may have trouble with small talk and may not pick up on social norms.

Moreover, men with Aspergers might find group settings particularly challenging. They may prefer one-on-one interactions or spending time alone, as groups can be overwhelming and hard to navigate. Social gatherings and parties may be stressful, and as a result, they might avoid them altogether or find excuses not to attend.


Individuals with Aspergers may have difficulty with communication, especially in social situations. They may struggle with conversational skills, such as taking turns and staying on topic. They may also have a hard time understanding sarcasm, jokes, and figures of speech. Additionally, they may have a monotone or robotic way of speaking and may have trouble with eye contact.

In written communication, they might excel and express themselves more effectively. However, the subtle nuances of spoken language can pose a barrier, and they may take things very literally. Misunderstandings in communication can lead to confusion and conflict, further complicating social interactions.

Repetitive Behaviors and Intense Interests

Men with Aspergers may have repetitive behaviors or intense interests that are unusual or out of the ordinary. For example, they may have a fascination with a specific topic or activity and may spend a significant amount of time learning about or engaging in it. They may also have repetitive physical behaviors, such as hand flapping or rocking back and forth.

These interests can sometimes be so consuming that they interfere with daily life and relationships. While these passions can lead to a high level of skill or knowledge in certain areas, it’s important for loved ones to recognize when they might be causing distress or isolation.

Sensory Issues

Men with Aspergers may also have sensory sensitivities, which can make certain textures, sounds, or lights overwhelming. They may have a strong aversion to certain textures or materials, may be sensitive to loud noises, or may have trouble with bright lights.

Aspergers in men

These sensitivities might manifest in different ways, such as a preference for certain types of clothing or a need for a structured and predictable environment. Sensory overload can cause significant discomfort and can be a source of stress in everyday life.

How to Tell if Your Husband Has Aspergers

If you suspect that your husband may have Aspergers, there are certain signs and behaviors to look out for. Keep in mind that everyone is different, and not all individuals with Aspergers will exhibit all of these signs. However, if you notice a combination of these behaviors, it may be worth discussing with your husband and seeking a professional evaluation.

Difficulty with Social Cues

Does your husband have a hard time understanding social cues, such as body language, facial expressions, or tone of voice? Does he struggle with making and maintaining friendships or have trouble with small talk? These can be signs of Aspergers, as individuals with this condition may have difficulty understanding non-verbal communication and social norms.

In addition to these challenges, he may seem indifferent or disinterested in socializing, which can be mistaken for rudeness or aloofness. It’s not that he doesn’t care about others; rather, he may simply not know how to express his interest or navigate social situations effectively.

Difficulty with Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. Men with Aspergers may have difficulty with empathy, as they may struggle to recognize and understand others’ emotions. This can make it challenging for them to respond appropriately in social situations and can lead to misunderstandings.

It’s important to differentiate between cognitive empathy (understanding what someone else is feeling) and affective empathy (the ability to feel what someone else is feeling). Men with Aspergers might understand the concept of empathy but find it hard to put themselves in someone else’s shoes emotionally.

Narrow or Intense Interests

Individuals with Aspergers may have very specific or intense interests that they are passionate about. They may spend a lot of time learning about these interests and may have difficulty talking about or focusing on other topics. If your husband has a particular topic or activity that he is extremely interested in and has a hard time engaging in other conversations, this could be a sign of Aspergers.

These interests can range from academic subjects to hobbies or collections, and they might talk about them at length, often without noticing if others are interested or engaged. This is not due to selfishness but rather a different way of social interaction and sharing.

Difficulty with Change

Routine and structure are important for individuals with Aspergers, and they may have a hard time with unexpected changes or disruptions in their daily life. If your husband becomes upset or anxious when his routine is interrupted, this could be a sign of Aspergers.

Does my husband have aspergers

Stability and predictability can be comforting, and changes in plans or surprises can be disproportionately distressing. This can affect various aspects of life, from daily routines to life changes like moving or starting a new job.

Sensory Sensitivities

Sensory sensitivities are common in individuals with Aspergers. If your husband is sensitive to certain textures, sounds, or lights, this could be a sign of Aspergers. He may also have a strong preference for or aversion to certain types of foods, clothing, or environments.

It’s not just about dislike; these sensitivities can cause actual pain or discomfort. Understanding these sensitivities and accommodating them when possible can help reduce stress and improve overall well-being.

Difficulty with Communication

Communication can be a struggle for individuals with Aspergers. If your husband has difficulty with conversational skills, such as taking turns, staying on topic, or understanding sarcasm, this could be a sign of Aspergers. He may also have a monotone or robotic way of speaking and may have trouble with eye contact.

Even when they do understand the literal meaning of words, the social context or emotional subtext may be lost. As a result, conversations can seem one-sided or lacking in depth, which can be frustrating for both parties involved.

How to Support Your Husband with Aspergers

If you suspect that your husband may have Aspergers, it’s important to approach the topic with sensitivity and understanding. Here are some tips for supporting your husband:

Educate Yourself

The more you know about Aspergers, the better equipped you will be to understand and support your husband. Take some time to research the condition and learn about the challenges and strengths of individuals with Aspergers.

Educating yourself also involves reaching out to support groups or communities, where you can share experiences and strategies with others who are in similar situations. This can be an invaluable resource for both practical advice and emotional support.

Communicate Clearly

Men with Aspergers may have difficulty with communication, so it’s important to be patient and clear when speaking with your husband. Avoid using sarcasm or figures of speech, and be direct and specific in your communication.

It’s also helpful to confirm understanding by asking your husband to repeat back what he has heard or understood. This can prevent misunderstands and ensure that both of you are on the same page.

Be Understanding

Living with Aspergers can be challenging, and your husband may struggle with certain aspects of daily life. Be understanding and patient, and try to put yourself in his shoes to better understand his perspective.

Remember, behaviors that may seem odd or frustrating to you are often coping mechanisms for him. Being supportive and accommodating can make a significant difference in his ability to navigate daily challenges.

Seek Professional Help

If you suspect that your husband may have Aspergers, it’s important to seek a professional evaluation. A doctor or therapist can provide a proper diagnosis and offer guidance and support for managing the condition.

Getting a diagnosis can be a relief for many, as it offers an explanation for past difficulties and a starting point for growth. Professionals can also help with developing strategies for communication, coping with sensory sensitivities, and building social skills.


Aspergers is a condition that can affect anyone, regardless of age or gender. If you suspect that your husband may have Aspergers, it’s important to approach the topic with sensitivity and understanding. Educate yourself about the condition, communicate clearly, and seek professional help if needed. With the right support and understanding, your husband can thrive and live a fulfilling life with Aspergers.